Because it’s not even 9am and here’s my “today can kiss my ass” day:

  1. Alarm goes off at 6am because I have a breakfast dog walk to do.

  2. Boris immediately starts flipping out and practically lies on top of me until I get up.

  3. Feed 5 cats and 3 dogs.

  4. Get ready to leave.

  5. Leave house and start car.

  6. Realize I left my iPod in the house.

  7. Turn off car and go back inside to get iPod.

  8. Leave house and start car again.

  9. Realize I left my cell phone in the house.

  10. Realize I have no idea where my cell phone is inside the house.

  11. Weigh the benefits of having my cell phone with me against the agony of getting it (i.e., turning off the car, going back inside, turning off the house alarm, opening at least one dog gate to go upstairs where the cell phone likely is, risking riling up at least 2 of the dogs) and decide to leave my cell phone at home.

  12. Drive to client’s house. About 20 miles into the 25-mile drive, notice that the pointer on the car’s temperature sensor thingy is VERY near the “H” (you know, for HOT).

  13. Watch the pointer in a quiet panic for the rest of the drive. By the time I get to client’s house it’s all the way on the red line.

  14. Enter client’s house. See that the office door is shut, with both cats trapped inside without food or water and MEOWING. Take care of client’s animals.

  15. Call husband to let him know about car. Of course because it is 7:30am on a Sunday he is sleeping as any normal person would be, and doesn’t hear the phone. Leave him a message describing where I might be stranded if I’m not home in an hour, not expecting him to get the message until after I’m home anyway, because BOY HOWDY can that man sleep.

  16. Because I don’t have my cell phone I can’t call anyone else that is local because I don’t have their numbers memorized because they’re STORED IN MY CELL PHONE.

  17. Get my period almost a week (ONE WEEK!!! THAT’S ALMOST SEVEN DAYS) early.

  18. Call husband again. No answer.

  19. Drive home, watching the temperature gauge thingy the entire way. Also keep an eye out for pay phones just in case.

  20. Arrive home without incident.