I’ve decided I need to get back into music. It’s been over a decade since I regularly kept up with music. Apparently it takes eleven years to shake off the residual effects of the boyfriend who gets high every other day and talks about how “music… it’s like my religion” and “did you hear that bass?” and “I play so much better when I’m baked, man.” So proud of my past, by the way. Anyway. I need to get back into it. But how? I can’t afford to buy CDs or download them from iTunes, though I do have a birthday coming up in a few months (BROAD HINT WINK WINK). I hate hate hate hate hate the radio. Did I mention hate? Are there online versions that don’t have any of the annoying talking and commercials? Because that would be brill. Of course I’ll also take your recommendations.

Stuff I like AND you do not get to judge AND keep in mind I haven’t bought any new music in the last decade or so, so the stuff I like applies to albums released in the mid-90s and before: Tori Amos, Indigo Girls, The Beatles, Beastie Boys, Neil Diamond, Frank Sinatra, some Beck, Cake, the few Bob Dylan I’ve heard (I SAID DO NOT JUDGE), Weezer, Pixies, Barry Manilow, some Cher, Pond/Sebadoh/Stereolab/Pavement (are those bands even still together?), Violent Femmes, 80s music (one of the first songs I purchased for my iPod was Come On Eileen), hip-hop/dance/techno/whatever the kids are calling it these days, any song you might find in a gay bar or being performed by a drag queen… basically anything but country (though I do like Patsy Cline) and the hard core gangsta rap. Also I know my husband will suggest AC/DC but no thank you.

OK. You’re on. Go.